Stubborn Love

She'll lie and steal and cheat, and beg you from her knees/Make you think she means it this time
She'll tear a hole in you, the one you can't repair/But I still love her, I don't really care
 
When we were young, Oh Oh, we did enough/When it got cold, Ooh Ooh, we bundled up/I can't be told, Ah Ah It can't be done
 
It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all/The opposite of love's indifference/Pay attention now, I'm standing on your porch screaming out/And I won't leave until you come downstairs
 
So keep your head up, keep your love/keep your head up, my love [x2]/Keep your head up, keep your love
 
I don't blame you dear for running like you did, all these years/I would do the same, you best believe
The highway signs say we're close, but I don't read those things anymore/I never trusted my own eyes

For two days I’ve heard this song non-stop while at work. It’s a mix of beautiful music and finding a relation to the lyrics. Throughout all of this time in this past relationship, I’ve found a small flaw in the saying, “I’m a lover, not a fighter.” If you truly are a lover, then you are a fighter—those who really love, fight to keep that love. Of course, there are exceptions when you must give up, but for the most part, a lover is a fighter. And I get that whoever said this probably meant a physical fighter…but still. Anyways, from the moment I heard the lyrics, I heard myself singing these lyrics that tell a story of someone constantly in a struggle to keep someone in their life. At first I thought the stubborn one was the person whom the writer is trying to keep. But as I continued to listen, and analyzed myself and how I fought, I realized that the writer is the stubborn one—I’m the stubborn one!

I try…trust me, I try! But it’s really hard to get someone out of your head. I’m not 16, 18 or even 21 anymore. I’ve only been in two relationships, each one lasting about 3 years. After all of that time, I’m really not into being in another relationship that lasts that long. With this last relationship, even though he was younger, I really thought that it was it. I prepared my heart for it to last forever because everything felt so right. Of course, we had people who disapproved of our relationship, but when I was with him, things just fell into place. I did everything and anything for him, and I enjoyed it, because when you love someone, you want to make them happy. Like every human, we both made mistakes that caused us to riff here and there. But in the end, we realized that what we felt for each other was stronger. I began to trust and confide in my feelings and my heart, thinking that this was going to last. Things obviously turned the other way and now I’m here writing in my blog again, late at night instead of sleeping.

I have to start stripping myself of the things that keep me hanging on. The memories need to remain memories. I need to keep my head up and realize that something better is on its way. I need to get my priorities straight and change things around. Time to think about myself. Sorry kid, you’re on your own now.