Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed/When you get what you want, but not what you need/When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep/Stuck in reverse/And the tears come streaming down your face/When you lose something you can't replace/When you love someone, but it goes to waste/Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home/And ignite your bones/And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below/When you're too in love to let it go/But if you never try you'll never know/Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home/And ignite your bones/And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down on your face/When you lose something you cannot replace/Tears stream down on your face/And I.../Tears stream down on your face/I promise you I will learn from my mistakes/Tears stream down on your face/And I...
Lights will guide you home/And ignite your bones/And I will try to fix you 
 "Fix You" by Coldplay

 (Live at Glastonbury Festival 2011, my favorite live version!)

I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to post something about this song. Even now it doesn’t feel quite right. But if I don’t do it now, I don’t know when else I will, and I’ll just keep on postponing it. I have to say that I absolutely love this song! One of my dreams/goals in life is to go to a Coldplay concert (preferably at the Glastonbury Festival [see video above]) and be able to sing this song at the top of my lungs. I don’t know how many times I’ve cried as I’ve sat alone in my car, in my room, at the park, in my dorm or wherever. There’s just something about the lyrics and the music that mesh so well to make you feel so alive as you realize how broken you truly are. Of course, this brings to mind that only God can truly heal your wounds, but it’s nice to know that even in your human-ness, you’re not alone.

I wrote a completely different entry, but I only kept the first paragraph because the rest just didn't feel right. I thought I was ready to say what I thought I wanted to say, but I'm not. And it wouldn't have done this song any justice. I can't think of any song that describes how I'm feeling at the moment better than this one. Yeah, there are songs I wish I could connect to, but I wouldn't be real to myself. But regardless of how I'm feeling, I need to get up and move on. The whole point of me blogging is to record my thoughts and emotions so I can come back one day and be able to say "I'm fixed," with a giant smile on my face. I don't think I'm reading to jump back into the social network scene quite yet, but I have to take baby steps. I am proud to say, however, that I'm currently free from the chains of Facebook and Instagram (say whaaa? I know...). I still get my text tweets from Twitter, though, so I guess it doesn't count as a complete deliverance. But like they say, "Outta sight, outta mind!"

There are two lines from this song that speak the most to me right now: "When you love someone, but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?" and "When you're too in love to let it go. But if you never try you'll never know just what you're worth." The first is probably why I'm so bitter about this whole situation. I gave up so much, almost everything, for this person...and look where it's left me. The second is what I'm working on. I know what I'm worth and I know who I am. I'm 24 (ouch...) and I can say that I know what I want in life. I'm not there yet, but I know exactly who I am, what my interests are and what I'm looking for. I love music (more than I can put into words), film, traveling, soccer, photography, media and I love to give. I like popcorn with tapatio and red lipstick, dancing and swimming, writing letters and I wish I lived sometime between the 40s and 50s. I like to write letters and sunflowers and sunshine make my day. I like singing out loud in my car, but my car is also my sanctuary when I want to get away (which is why it's always a mess). I like Asian and Italian food, but I also enjoy burgers any time and any day. Most of all, I love to worship God, whether it's singing or serving in a ministry. Music is my way of coming closer to God and there's nothing like that moment when my heart syncs with the words coming out of my mouth and BAM...God meets you right where you are. That's magic!  And no, this isn't an advertisement for eHarmony. This is who I am. I need to regain my self-confidence and remember that my life isn't over. I'm an individual, and yeah I got dumped (ouch...that hurt too), but I won't let that define who I am or who I will be. It's going to be a hell of a ride, but I'll let the lights guide me home and just keep going.